It’s been 11 days since my last post, and I am so sorry for not writing or checking twitter within that moment of impasse. In my defense, I was and still am going through something and I will try to be as honest as I can as I write things down here. (If you’re not up for a sad story, I advise that you skip this.)
If you’ve been following me on Twitter, you may have come across a tweet where I mentioned something about having my make or break moment in law school. That moment still hasn’t passed and I’m still aching to find out whether it’s a make or break.
Grades and evaluation results come out this month, and I am absolutely scared of the outcome. I know I did my best—I studied hard, focused all my energy into my final exams—so you’re probably thinking what is there to worry about? I am a reasonably positive thinker, but when it comes to my academics I always tend to expect the worse. My capacity to cope with school-induced pain and heartbreak is abysmal, so I’d rather prepare myself to receive bad news instead of getting caught off guard.
The first class that released grades was one of my hardest this term. Thankfully, I passed. But it’s not yet time to call for a celebration. I still have four subjects to wait for.
In other news, I lost my job last week. The company I was working for decided to shut down due to financial concerns and other problems. There wasn’t anything shady about it, though. And there wasn’t anything else I could do except tell my boss it had been a pleasure working with him.
Although I still live with my parents, I try to be independent as much as possible and rely less on my parents especially in terms of finances. Working freelance online has helped me achieve a sense of independence and financial stability. It has paid for part of my tuition fee, my books and my often impulsive shopping sprees. More importantly, earning a stable income has allowed me to help people by donating directly or through charity and non-income organizations.
Being out of work has kind of numbed me. Last weekend I found myself scrolling aimlessly through Facebook, which is shocking because I only ever go on Facebook when replying to messages and comments. I feel so disabled thinking about what I should do next or how I’m going to support myself.
The thing is, I have to accept things and move on at the end of the day. Every day since I lost my job I keep reminding myself that life goes on and that there are opportunities waiting to be explored. It’s a bummer sure, but I shouldn’t let myself be defeated by circumstances. It’s going to take a while (probably a really long while) before I get over this, but I’ll get there.
On a more positive note, I have received confirmation from some of the companies I applied for so let’s see how things go eventually. I’m still feeling a bit under the weather right now, but I’m hopeful things will get better soon.